my dear Friends and Family,
The cumulative effect of dexa ("dexametasone", a cancer drug prescribed to control cellular inflammation) when I was first put on CT/RT in late Mar 2010 has weakened my body considerably. As reported earlier, I became very weak over the past 2-3 months. Well, everything came to a head on Sat 26-May. I was on my desktop, my ankle gave way, and I dropped to the floor with a thud. My head hit the floor hard, AD who was sitting at the couch, shrieked and yelled for Ethan who was in his room. I was momentarily stunned and confused, unable to move limb nor tongue. As usual, AD stood riveted, gesticulating wildly. Likewise Ethan, not knowing what to do. Both strike a comical figure and that brought me some relief while I laid on the floor, trying to refocus and talk.
You know, satan has been oppressing AD and Ethan to "steal, kill and destroy" the family for quite a while. He has always sought to subdue me. In fact, in my previous update I had mentioned "But Satan will not let up - he will not desist but try new tricks" and it happened to me this time. I would have died on Sat 26-May but for God's grace and mercy. And for your prayers too, especially Pastor's.
But why was I on the desktop? To unhook the window curtain. Foolish me, I knew I was very weak in the legs, I was carefuland I thought I could do it. Notice the 'I', 'I', 'I', 'I', 'I' in that sentence? Five 'I's. When Self/Ego (as in 'I') was inflated satan saw a chance to strike. And he took it swiftly. Instead of listening to the other thought to be careful, I was too Self-Assured. I could unhook the curtain, I said to myself. And paid the price for my disobedience (sin). Grievously hurting myself.
So folks, let me share this without apology: each time sin enters our life, satan will assess whether or not to strike. If he thinks you will not get hurt e.g. if you're in good health, he will not strike. In my case he knew I will get badly hurt and strike he did. Another point: sin. We're more sinful than we are aware of. Because of satanic deception we commit sin each day without knowing it. For example, when we curse under our breath a driver for dangerously cutting into our path, that's sin. It's so spontaneous, yet how many will regard that utterance or thought as sin or a prelude to sin? Impatience, scolding, insensitive remarks - these are so trivial one would not pay any attention to them. But satan is the Master of Deception, he uses what is not obvious to do his schemes. Now, I won't go into a debate about what constitutes sin. Many christians think it is all right if it remains an idle thought; it becomes Sin when you act on your thought. I don't know about that. But I do know God is not pleased when I have impure thoughts, or diddle with lewd images in my mind. If you think that is not sinful, well, would you dare to ask that of your heavenly Father when you face Him on Judgement Day? Pardon me, I certainly dare not, hahaha!
I fell on Sat 19-May, rested in bed on Sun, and when it looked like my condition was getting worse, I dialed HCA for emergency help. I was attended to by Dr Poy and Nurse Xufen from HCA on Mon 21-May. If I didn't know better both seemed like angels who descended onto me. Especially Dr Poy. She was so earnest, so caring and compassionate I could immediately sense her heart-beat, overwhelming concern and love for people. They quickly evacuated me to TTSH. By then I was too weak to move limb, get up from bed or walk.
I went through 3 scans - MRI, 2xCTs. The scans confirmed the doctors' worst fears: the cancer had spread, now reaching very critical areas in the brain stem. This is the area where brain cells / nerves controlling breathing, heart, mobility, etc are concentrated. I am a candidate for ICU emergency treatment if any of these vital functions are affected. However, what dismayed me was not that news. But the news that I had to increase my daily dosage of Dexa. Arrggh.. more dexa? I am already so weakened by dexa, now have to take more? Dexa had sapped my strength so much that now I was unable to walk or get up from bed by myself. Sigh.. how will I cope? The doctors had no answers.
The next morning an occupational therapist attended to me. I listened impassively as she discussed the history, nature of her work, and the exercises I would be put through. When she had finished I asked "I am so weak, do you have any exercise that could counter my body weakness? How can I fight this scourge?" She answered, "Well, maybe not 100%, but taking these exercises - occupational and physio, certainly can help strengthen your body and muscles. We'll start your lessons tomorrow. Today is just the intro and theory."
I was astounded. "Wow, thank you Lord! You open another door when one door is shut." That afternoon I commenced doing the exercises on my bed. I certainly got the physio principles and general idea. Though I was too weak to get up I could still do some knee bending and leg lifting while lying down. Later that evening - after I had rested from the afternoon bed exercises - I certainly felt stronger in the limbs. And was persuaded these physio exercises really helped. See? I was at my darkest hour, but God was there to lift me up, PTL! People said my positive thinking helped. I think not. Don't you know positive thinking is "using the mind to control one's own mind?" How dumb can that theory and false science be? How can the mind control itself? Those who believe it is possible are under Deception, weaved by MAD ("the Master of All Deception") himself.
The next 2 nights were tortuous. Two elderly patients in their late 70s to 80s, a guy and a woman, created a din in the night for several hours and kept many fellow patients awake. Two other patients also needed attention that night, thus lights went on and off, making it impossible to rest at all. No one complained. But my headache got worse. Now, each time the doctor asked me to rate my headache on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most painful, I would answer I don't know what 1 or 10 means. So I rate my headache according to what I experienced - first, painful but bearable, then pressing, next unbearable, then pounding, gripping, finally excruciating. My headache became 'unbearable' making it impossible for me to think or work. I became irritable and hostile, much as I tried to control self. So I took it out on the nurses: "Hey, nurse! It's already 10 min. Why do you leave the lights on when you've finished attending to the patient beside me?" Or "Excuse me, nurse, it's already 15 min since the drip alarm sounded. Don't you know I cannot rest or sleep if you don't respond to the drip machine alarm?" I was getting impossible and behaving like an idiot. Unmindful of the fact nurses were also human and needed rest, yet they were doing their best to cope with the situation. Unforgivable of me! I prayed for forgiveness and repentance, without thinking of it. That stayed satan's hand and I was given respite. Ah, a demonic attack without me realizing it! Thank you Lord, for making prayer a habit. At that moment I understood why Paul taught we should pay without ceasing.
The next night the Din started at about 1AM. I then observed something odd I had not observed before. It seemed when one of the infamous two elderly folks started the Dialogue/Din - yelling, talking normally but loudly, crying, screaming, etc - the other joined in simultaneously, straight away! Weird, wasn't it? Seemed it was being coordinated by Someone. Few minutes later, the guy began to shout 4-letter words freely and loudly, followed by long and loud abusive language, as if in a normal conversation. Ahhh.. satanic manifestation, no doubt about that, I thought. The whole Din was orchestrated by satan himself. He was the Coordinator. I started to pray earnestly for the two elderly patients. "Please Lord, be merciful and bless those two patients, whom you say you love as much as you love Jesus Christ. Protect them from the evil one. Also give me strength and protection as I call on your precious Holy Spirit. Dear Holy Spirit, in Jesus name, I ask that satan be stopped from torturing the two patients now." Then "Satan, in Jesus' name, stop your oppression. Stop torturing those two patients. Get out, get out, get out. In Jesus most precious Name. Amen. Thank you, Lord."
I don't recall making any similar prayer previously. It was the first time I was moved to pray spontaneously for someone in serious trouble on the spot, witnessing it in real time. But nothing happened - it seemed my prayer had no effect, the Din and abusive shouting continued. Then... a l-o-n-g two min later, the Din stopped! I was surprised! Everything was silent again. But 40 mins later the Din started again. Again coordinated perfectly as both patients started in unison, as if 'switched on' by an unseen hand. I prayed again. This time the Din stopped 1+ min later! When a nurse came near my bed, I asked her what had happened. She replied the nurses had given both patients their medication. Oh, of course!
So, did the Din stop because the nurses had given the patients medication, the max dosage I was told. Or did my prayer stop the Din? Medication, coincidence or prayer - you make the call !
At first the significance of the statement that nurses had given the patients medication did not strike me. But when it did a moment later, I was like 'Whoa, whaaat? Really, oh, bless you Lord, thank you Holy Spirit, thank you Heavenly Father. Please forgive me for my little faith, and thank you for this enlightenment and faith!"
The nurse said she administered the maximum dosage. That meant, when the Din started. she gave the patients their medicine only once, not twice. So what stopped the second Din? Both times I prayed, the Din stopped minutes later. So if the medication had stopped one Din, then the second Din must have been stopped by the Holy Spirit in answer to my prayer! No other explanation could account for what had happened. The first night the Din took place, the Din went on and on until morning 5am+, then slowly tapered off as the patients got exhausted. Fresh with the insight, I asked another nurse the next morning the medication prescribed for the two elderly folks. She replied, "Medication? Seemed no effect, we already gave them maximum dose but useless. So sorry for the disturbance last night." "No problem, couldn't be helped," I responded. "I hope the folks are all right now." It was a clear confirmation that medication had not been effective at all on the two patients! The Din stopped because God had answered my prayers on ALL occasions. Medication had no effect, said the nurse(s).
Tears came into my eyes when it dawned on me how much God really loves this cancer patient, a worthless abject fellow! He provided confirmation - when I was miserable and needed encouragement - that when I pray in accord with his will and ask Him for anything, He would answer me immediately when the occasion demands it. He foreknew, foresaw everything that had happened to me, right from the fall from my desk, the nightly disturbances in the ward and my dire need. And He gave it to me. It was the first time I had prayed so directly for someone in distress. And for the first time in my life I experienced the power of prayer, so immediate and astounding. And as if to confirm that the answered prayers were no coincidence, the Lord answered my prayers on subsequent nights when the disturbances started again. Three times I had to pray for the elderly folks, and three times the din stopped immediately - unlike the previous occasion. My faith leapt several notches.
Why do I labor so hard to share this experience with you folks? Because I want you to know for a certainty - that if God can keep his promise to answer my prayers, an insignificant worthless filthy rag, surely you need no further proof He will also answer your prayers? And not only will He answer your prayer but He will answer it immediately when the occasion demands it. I dared not believe it at first, that was why on the first occasion I prayed the prayer was not answered immediately but took the best of 2 min. Then, as my faith got strengthened by the new experience, I prayed with more conviction and was rewarded. Praise God, now I know: when the situation demands, prayers uttered in accord with His will are answered immediately. I have no doubt now. Thank you Lord! This is how my faith grows, not by reading the Bible, having fellowship or bible study, not by attending church but by spiritual experiences the Lord gave me time to time. That does not mean I downplay attending church or the other activities; they are for sharing, knowledge, fellowship, community bonding, are Biblical and equally important.
Thank you for your prayers and love,
Love you all,
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